Zaphod Beeblebrox

@pekan
I feel like I struck a nerve… Weight is something many of us struggle with. I mean, not me, personally, but a lot of people! No need to get triggered! I’m sure you are a perfectly wonderful person, no matter what. If you want that donut, then you go right ahead and eat it. Don’t feel guilty!

Edited. Sorry.

As for childish complaining… a) This is not complaining. This is social commentary on what I believe to be the shortcomings in our preferred modes of long distance transportation. I’m basically a journalist. I am contributing to my community’s welfare by keeping them updated on the current situation on the ground… in the air. And I’ll sue anyone who says otherwise.

b) it’s not childish, my mommy even told me so.

@samklein
I’ll tell you why. Because most cars don’t float. That’s why.

It probably would have taken quicker. And smelled better.

@yechiell
Memory lane is a two way street. Down is the past, and up is the future. Remembering an action occurring up the street is what’s known as remembering the futurepast, although that term applys to the present as well, as any moment happening in the present will in the future will have been the past.

@coffee addict
I’m afraid that the reason you have apparently will not start a thread in 50 years, can be explained by this thread that had only just gotten bumped off the page.

In Memoriam: Remembering Coffee Addict, troll vanquisher par excellence, who is still alive but apparently found something better to do with his time.
Started by: Zaphod Beeblebrox

@yabia

Yes. That was the point.

@n0mesorah

To answer your question, we must first determine several factors. What kind of kugel? When is the kugel being eaten? What, cosmically speaking, is a kugel in the first place? A kugel can be defined as a conglomeration of disparate ingredients combined and blended to form a pudding like substance. The primary ingredient may vary, but potatoes have traditionally been cast as the titular role by everyone except hippies, the kind of people who think that pineapple chicken is an acceptable alternative to cholent. It isn’t. Cholent cannot be replaced ever. But some people appear to have gotten the idea that kugel is on the same level as cholent, simply because they share the characteristic of being served on shabbos (or Tuesday, depending on which demographic you belong to). In this way we can compare college to a kugel. College is cool. It’s useful, and we are willing to exploit that usefulness to serve our needs. At the same time, we understand that it is secondary to actual higher education, yeshiva. So too, kugel is useful. We appreciate it. We sometimes even enjoy it. But always we remember that it comes second to that king of foods, that gastronomical delight, the nectar of the bochurim, the ambrosia of the Jews, cholent. Cholent is the yeshiva to kugels college.

Also, you never sent the resume. We would have known. We know all, and we know that you never mailed in you resume. So we did not respond.

@participant
You’re very welcome! Thank you for using Beeblebrox Inc., and we hope to see you again. Your support is much appreciated.

@n0mesorah
The position of Thread-Bumper is currently open, due to some recent staffing changes. If you’d like to apply, please send your résumé’ to any address, in a Manila envelope marked Langley, PGGB. The postal service will take care of the rest.

Additionally, that’s not at all what sophistry means, but I’m guessing that was the joke. If it wasn’t, well, now someone’s being critical of your posts at last.

@ujm
You know exactly what time we get dismissed, Rebbi. I thought we agreed that you’d stop cyber bullying me if I didn’t tell the Menahel that you drink behind the dumpsters during recess. I’m putting thumbtacks in your chair tomorrow.

@hashemsaysno
Mom, stop calling my Rebbi a criminal, it makes classes very uncomfortable for me.

@n0mesorah
Personally, I appreciate the mods very much. I appreciate anyone who allows me to disseminate my thoughts to a wider audience, and the mods definitely fall into that category. For that, I thank them. In their honor, I have composed this short poem.

O Mods,
Thine courage doth shame the most valiant
Of Men, For
Were it not for thee,
The masses should fall into silence,
And I would be obscure.
O Mods,
The sacrifices that thou
Hast made(th)
Shall be regaled for aeons yet to dawn,
For thou are lionhearted,
Verily.
Courage!
Thy banner,
Gloriously unfurled,
Blown,
Battered, by the gales of vituperative indignation.
Salute!
Pay heed.
For the way of the Mod
Is wisdom,
Yet lonely is his Path.

@samklein
No. No no no no no, no no no. I refuse to stoop to the level of those who pretend to be original thinkers, and are instead having their words spoon fed to them by a computer program that doesn’t even understand what it’s saying. Those people are sheep. I am not a sheep. You wanna know how I know that? Because I have thumbs, that’s how. Sheep don’t have thumbs. They’re too lazy to even type the URL in themselves, they just yell at Siri to tell AI to write something for them. Stupid sheep. People who use AI in any way other than facetiously are the reason that the world is as messed up and generally lazy that it is. They will cause the apocalypse. They will destroy the world with their stupidity. I will not be complicit in such a stupid ending to the world.

@n0mesorah
I don’t know why you seem to be under the impression that I have the time or interest to go through your countless ramblings. You want disrespect? Well, that’s something that has to be earned. You can’t just walk up to somebody and say “hey you, with the two heads, roast me”. That’s not how this works. This isn’t the laugh factory. Do I look like a comedian? Maybe you’d know the answer to that if you got your head out of the sand, and stopped burying yourself in your absurd notions of ridiculous entitlement. Stop burying your head! It makes it hard to see.

Furthermore, when you say that posters are shying away from criticism, you imply that there is criticism to be made. Who are you to insult yourself like that? That’s my job. Stick to your job, whatever on earth that may be. Stupid entitled millennials. There, I called you old, is that insulting enough for you? Are you happy now, you diseased masochist? The sheer arrogance. Gosh.

@participant
Thank you for your continued patronage. But I’m not gonna give you money for saving my life. If you’re only gonna save me for money, then you’re entitled to no monetary compensation. What kind of world are we living in, where people are only looking out for themselves? Where everything is a pro vs. a con? Where one actually has to stop and think before helping someone in need, in order to ascertain precisely what personal gain he will derive from it? It disgusts me. I’m vomiting. Truly, we all need some serious introspection into what has led to this sorry state of affairs. We must search deep in our collective souls, so that we may rectify this horrific shortcoming.

I hope that answers your question.

Then why did you? Shoitah. Let me tell you something about yourself that you probably don’t know: you’re not a cat. You’re the human equivalent of pickle Rick, if pickle Rick was a poorly evolved Vogon meshed with a particularly ugly ravenous bugblatter beast.